TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT (2017): Enough of this Already

The best thing I can say about Transformers: The Last Knight is that, because of Michael Bay’s trademark awful directorial style, I have already forgotten most of it. Surprising absolutely nobody, this movie is a pile of hot garbage featuring entirely too many needless characters, settings, and plot elements taped together haphazardly with transitions of military hardware at sunset. I honestly couldn’t even begin to recap the plot of this movie without a guide, and even then, it would read like a transcript of Donald Trump trying to describe a fever dream he had – constantly interrupting itself and going on tangents.

So, in leu of a traditional review, please enjoy a list of the most egregious things I unfortunately still remember about Transformers: The Last Knight:

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Comic Reviews 6/7/17

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The Dark Knight III: The Master Race #9

Defeated, Quar threatens to destroy the planet, and there’s only one man that can stop him.

Defying all expectations, The Master Race ends as a panacea to everything wrong with The Dark Knight Returns and Strikes Back. It, not-not hamfistedly, responds to the series’ history of Batman being a Randian exemplar and demagogue with a conclusion that depicts heroism at its most altruistic. The mini-story acts as a coda, reinforcing the series’ new perspective on what a hero is and should be, and reintroduces the world’s greatest heroes.

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IT COMES AT NIGHT (2017) A House at the End of Their World

I’ve never been to a “legitimate” haunted house, but the closest I’ve ever felt to what I imagine the experience is like is when I visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam. Even almost 80 years since the Frank family, and hundreds of thousands of other Jewish and other families were forced into hiding, the horror of that period still oppresses that house. More than reading her diary, being in that house forces you to experience just a fraction of what living it might feel like. Being in that house forces you to ask if you could do it: Could you live here not knowing how long it would be until you could safely go outside again. Could you live here knowing that your survival depended entirely on people with every incentive in the world to sell you out? Could you live here knowing that the world may very well be ending right outside that door?

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Comic Reviews 5/31/17 – Indies

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Sex Criminals #19

This series isn’t supposed to be sad, man; but this one gets pretty low.

Jon and Suzie’s relationship is on the rocks, and their encounter with the sex shrocks guy is cut terribly short. On the upside, Alix realizes that she might be on the wrong side of things, and Jon’s therapist (who I forget the name of, and can’t find immediately on google) and Dr. Kincaid seem to really be hitting it off on their first date.

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Comic Reviews 5/31/17 – DC and Marvel

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Wonder Woman Annual #1

On the same week as the release of her first feature movie, this Annual presents a handful of short stories that show the basics of Diana of Themyscira the Wonder Woman. These stories show her at her most trusting and generous, standing up for the innocent, no matter how different they may be, and leading the less-than-innocent on a path towards forgiveness.

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WONDER WOMAN (2017) Is a Bright New Start for the DCEU

Starting off, it really isn’t worth my or your time to compare Wonder Woman to the previous movies in the DC cinematic universe (DCEU), because, well…Wonder Woman blows them completely out of the water. The first woman of comics gets the big screen adaptation she’s always deserves, with director Patty Jenkins and the entire cast and crew taking the opportunity to show the boys how it’s done with style and grace.

So, instead, allow me to compare Wonder Woman to a superhero film in the same league, Captain America: The First Avenger.

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